If I could talk to God...

I was lazy today, so here are some good tweets about the trending hashtag #IfICouldTalkToGod on Twitter. The hashtag seems to have been started by theists, while other theists disagree with the premise of the hashtag, claiming that those theists don't seem to know anything about God, as "God is everywhere." However, atheists like myself also found this hashtag fun, and here are my tweets regarding the topic as well as some of my favorite ones by others.

If I could talk to God...

My first tweet about what I would do if I could talk to God is this: If I could talk to God, he would end up questioning his own existence. That is because God, being highly intelligent, would see that the evidence for his own existence is lacking, to say the least. Well, inexistent, to be more precise. So God would see that there is no reason to believe that he himself exists. Logic. Logic is not godly.

Okay, let's play the game, a little, though. If I could talk to God, I would ask which, if any, religion is correct, and which, if any, of the thousands of denominations is correct. After all, if we only consider Christianity, that still leaves us with around forty thousand denominations from which to choose. It just seems that even if God exists, literally no one knows who he is or what his opinions are.

I got a reply from someone called "The OPPRESSED" on Twitter; he said that God would tell me [which denomination of which religion is correct], that in the beginning was "the word" and "the word was with him and the word was him." He also claimed that God would say "all religion has truths." I answered that God would elaborate that all religions are, at least, 99.999% bullshit. Then God would drop the mic and continue not existing.

Another theist said that manmade religion is all over the world but "not of God." She said that many are "messed up by it." Then she suggested that I should read the Bible and pray, and that I can find "the truth" if I do that. The only problem is that the Bible was written, transcribed, translated, and changed by people, so it is no perfect word of God, even if God exists, and that is a pretty big if. Not only that, but the books in the Bible were written long after the events they supposedly recount, and they contradict each other.

My most popular tweet of the day was about the Flying Spaghetti Monster: If I could talk to God, I would humbly ask for a bowl of noodles, and His Noodliness would look upon my hunger with mercy. RAmen. (I got some funny comments from @FSM_PastaRasta and @mikecannytalk.) Afterward, I thought that if I could talk to God, I would ask if he likes to torture and kill small animals, because he is a genocidal maniac, after all, so he might have started with small animals.

I concluded that, if I could talk to God, perhaps it would be best if I lived in an asylum. Hearing voices of people, or supreme beings, who are not there is never a good sign. One last thingif I could talk to God, I'd make sure to give Santa my Christmas list while I'm over there in la-la land. Then I won't have to buy stamps. I also checked out some other people's tweets; my Twitter friend Nancy Drew, @NancyDrewPI, tweeted that she would ask God why he entrusted her salvation to "a bunch of illiterate desert men" over two thousand years ago. I answered, "Mysterious ways." Which reminded me of a question: If I could talk to God, I would ask about those mysterious ways he loves so much.

 

If others could talk to God...

I was not the only atheist who tweeted about the hashtag #IfICouldTalkToGod. Here are some of my favorite tweets from people other than myself.

Bonus round

In this bonus round, I thought I would just include a few of my tweets from other trending hashtags, including #TheLiesWeTellKids, #ExplainEarthToSpaceAliens, #ThereISaidIt, one last, semi-original one from #IfICouldTalkToGod (all of them have been trending these last few days), and a couple other tweets.

And finally...

If you had the chance to talk to God, what would you ask or tell him? What would you do if you met God? (Images of all my tweets can be found below, in case you wish to use them for something, or you can download them by clicking here.) Thank you for checking out this lazy blog post, and have a great day!