God in the beginning: Omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent?

Religion's strong suit is not logic. Indoctrination is religion's strong suit, but let's focus on the lack of logic that can only live on through said indoctrination. In this blog post, we'll take a look at God's omniscience, omnipotence, and omnipresence, in the very beginning.

I'm sure we all know the Christian origin story, in all its illogical glory: seven days, Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, God considering disobedience to be the worst crime ever, God blaming all of humanity for the supposed crime of two people. You know it, right? Okay, well, theists often say God is absolutely perfect and possesses omniscience (knowing everything), omnipotence (being able to do anything), and omnipresence (being everywhere); I can dispute this with some very quick observations from Genesis.

Omniscience. God supposedly knows all there is to know, including all that will ever happen. This, of course, means there's no such thing as free will, since everything is predetermined. What I'd like to point out, however, is that God didn't realize that Adam would be lonely until after he'd created Adam. He also didn't realize both a male and female are required for reproduction, and yet he created a male human. He didn't even realize only two individuals as the origin of the human species might lead to genetic problems, incest and all that.

Omnipotence. Let's say what I wrote about omniscience is wrong; let's say God actually did understand the mechanics of sexual reproduction. He then supposedly has the unlimited power to do what he wants (can he create a rock too heavy for himself to lift?). And yet he couldn't create both Adam and Eve at the same time. He couldn't create a few dozen people, instead of just two. Or did he just not care? Perhaps a Sunday off was worth a few birth defects, eh?

After Adam and Eve ate that precious fruit that taught them about good and evil, God punished them. Let's ignore the fact that Adam and Eve didn't know the difference between good and evil before eating the fruit. Let's also ignore the fact that even God doesn't know the difference, as he thinks it is good to be a totalitarian dictator who punishes people harshly for disobedience. Let's instead look at the last of God's omni-qualities.

Omnipresence. God was looking for Adam and Eve and found them covering their bodies. Either he wasn't omnipresent, as he'd have known where they were, or he just pretended so he could spy on them having sex. After all, he doesn’t get any action himself; he's the only god, and yet has a male organ for sexual reproduction, for some reason. That he had to look for them also suggests his omniscience wasn't at its best that day. But I guess God works in mysterious ways, right?

Christianity makes so much sense. Don't you agree? Now let's all pray, even though everything is predetermined and God knows what we'll pray for before we do, anyway.